Distractions, "HIdden" Messages, and Culture, Part II

Following up on yesterday's post, I want to discuss the many issues these articles and the ensuing discussions raised.

There are SO many issues at play here--there is our Culture, race, gender, class, religion.  I want to start with Culture.

As we are probably all aware, the culture for girls and women these days is intensely sexual.  Clothing, especially for young women, is becoming increasingly skimpy.  We know this.  Everything--from makeup to clothing to how young women are taught to act--is incredibly sexual and objectifying.

But we know this already.  We have to make a choice of what to DO with it.

Let me start by saying that I went to a school with a strict uniform.  I liked it, honestly.  It made my life easy.  I didn't have to worry about buying "the cool clothes" for school.  To be honest, I wasn't even comfortable in those "cool" clothes.  I will say that I am, in general, a semi-conservative dresser.  I was raised to think about the messages I send with my outward appearance--both by my parents and my 3-8th grade school.

I'll bring the issue of class in here for a minute.  The schools I attended through High School were private institutions.  My 3rd-8th grade school's imposing a strict uniform leveled the playing field in terms of what one would see of someone's socio-economic status.  No one had to know that the girl who sat next to me was on financial aid.  No one had to know that the girl who sat on the other side of me was the heiress to a huge fortune.  Instead, that outward visible "class" was a non-issue in school.  One of my friends commented that this made us ALL more comfortable.  No one had to worry about showing off and trying to show others up.

On the other hand, my High School was a different story.  We had a dress code, but it was that...not a uniform.  It became quickly apparent to me that the nice, quality clothes I had, with moderate length skirts and reasonable v-neck shirts just was not going to do.  I did not have "the cool clothes" and I looked "like a grandmother," as one girl notably put it to me.  Now, I don't know about you, but My grandmother wouldn't dress like this.  This is too young for her.

It also became quite apparent to me that if you were a friend of the Dean or were an extremely attractive girl, the dress code meant nothing.  No one asked THOSE girls to cover up.  No one asked the athletic boys--the jocks with the muscular arms--to put a shirt on over their "wife beater."  No one.

I asked a friend of mine who went to the same school about this issue.  She WAS one of Those Pretty Girls.  Most of the time, she was reasonably dressed, but I do remember one time that she wore a strapless dress "just to see what would happen."  She never got asked to cover up, never got sent to the office, but remembers that "all the male TEACHERS stared at me as I walked down the hall.  Not the male students.  The Teachers."

So, perhaps we really need to look again at our culture.  What are we telling the students?  What is with our lack of self control?  Why do we expect our students to have it when we don't have it ourselves?  And how are we helping our students by "removing temptation," when that temptation won't be removed in the "real world" and in college?

Distractions, "Hidden" Messages, and Culture

Inspired by a fascinating discussion my friends and I had about These Articles.

I was quite intrigued by the messages of these two articles.  As a teacher, we spend a lot of time "enforcing dress codes."  It is just something we get asked to do.  But what are the messages we are sending when we do so?

I see so many sides of this issue.  I have seen girls' clothing, specifically listed in student and parent handbooks as "distractions to other students" and even "distractions to boys."  I find it frustrating that these are the reasons given for not wearing certain clothing.

See, I am not in favor of wearing inappropriate clothing to school for EITHER gender.  However, I find the reasons often given for not wearing such clothing to be inappropriate.  As one of my friends pointed out yesterday, "Everyone needs to learn that clothing is about self presentation.  What messages do people send when they wear certain clothes?"

This is the way to pitch dress codes.  Not the "distraction" mentality.  By adopting the distraction mentality, we are doing everyone a disservice.  We are saying that no one has impulse control.  We are not even bothering to teach impulse control.  We are perpetuating the "she was asking for it by what she was wearing."  And that takes me back to thinking about infantilization and false control. 

Many years ago, I taught at a private school.  There was a piece of the dress code that forbade frayed skirts.  There was one day that one of my advises had worn a frayed skirt and she needed to see the Dean about a club she was running. She comes running up to my room during my free period and starts folding up her skirt and pinning it with thumbtacks.  "What are you doing?" I asked.  "Ohhhh, Ms. L, I need to go see Dean C and I have a frayed skirt."  I sighed.  "No, J," I told her.  "Paper clips.  Not thumbtacks.  It is less painful and looks like a fashion statement."  And lo and behold, it worked. 

Why, one might ask, did I knowingly help a student "skirt" (hahaha) the dress code?  Because her skirt was the proper length, it wasn't "inappropriate," and seriously, who cares.  It was a tasteful skirt with some fringe on it.  This takes me down the false control road, but I have already been there, and may go there again tomorrow.

There was a bit in the discussion where a friend of mine said that her school had a dress code "to protect the teachers."  While I do kind of see this point, what I see in this is the infantilization of teachers!  "Well, they have no self control and students don't have to either!"

So this is a rough sketch of where I might focus some attention for the next few posts.  False control, self control, objectification, and the multitude of separate issues contained in this issue (race, class, gender, and more!)

So, friends, what are your thoughts on the articles?  Keep the discussion going! 

Appreciation, part 2

Remember that post I wrote about Appreciation?

As the school year wraps up, I come back to that again.  See, we have this week, and then finals, and then we're done.  Yay summer!

I've been receiving gifts from students and reading the cards.  One common line that I see in all of them is something along the lines of, "Thank you so much for being a beacon of sanity in the madness that is this school," or "Thank you for making this year bearable."  Yes, these are actual lines from student cards.

I found these cards exciting but also sad.  Exciting because I did my job well (yay!!!).  Sad because one teacher and one class should not make your school day "bearable."  There should be no need to make school "bearable."

Tuesday was also the day that I saw a colleague that I don't normally see.  She, a Spanish Teacher, told me that she and another Spanish teacher had a meeting with the Superintendent about Latin.  The Superintendent evidently expressed the opinion that SHE thought Foreign languages were important--it was the Assistant Superintendent who didn't like them.  My colleague was beside herself.  No one in Central Office had appreciated that one of her students had been the highest scorer in Massachusetts on the National Spanish Exam.  No one.

My colleague told me that the Central Office Folks are so insincere and unappreciative.  Even if you teach Science and Math (the "important" subjects), they don't appreciate you.  But Foreign Language, my colleague said, is the ugly stepchild.  And yet, we are expected to come into school every day with a sincere smile.

So, I got to thinking:  We make the school "bearable" for the students.  Who makes it "bearable" for us?  Is that our poor Admin's job?   How can we make school "bearable" for the students if we aren't appreciated?

Winning and Losing

I had a conversation with a friend this weekend about winning and losing.  He commented to me that he had spent most of his life trying not to lose rather than trying to win.  There is, obviously, a fundamental difference between these two.  So I started thinking about the various games that we play each day--the game of work, the game of school, the game of life.

These days, we all spend time trying not to lose.  This seems to show one of two sides of people.  It can breed in some a competitive side that people often call "playing to win," but it isn't.  It's trying to screw others over so that YOU don't lose.  The other side of trying not to lose is giving up so much, because "you're going to lose anyway."

Trying to win is an interesting concept.  People define it in many ways.  Many think that eliminating all competition is winning.  They will do it by whatever means necessary!  If it means tattling, they will tattle.  If it means screwing others over, they will.  If it means putting on a nice face and feigning politeness, they'll do that too.  Anything.  Literally.

But the way I look at it, winning may mean eliminating the competition.  But I see it as eliminating the competition by altruism and collaboration rather than by screwing others over, or just trying to be "the best." See, true winning is done by honest means, not by witholding the notes your classmate asked for, because they were sick that day, just so that you can score higher on the upcoming test.  True winning is done by learning from your mistakes, so that you don't make the same mistake twice.  True winning is collaborating with your competitors, so that together, you all bring a piece to the puzzle and build the best thing possible.

Schools these days don't breed that.  SURE, we talk about collaboration, but do we do it? No.  Teachers don't collaborate (Latin and History could do something together...Latin and Science....etc...), and we don't encourage it among our students either.  As long as they are getting The Grades, we don't care.

The paradigm IS shifting though, especially among newer teachers.  We are beginning to encourage true winning now--building community and sharing and collaboration.  What have you done to encourage this?  What steps can we take to keep encouraging true winning, rather than fear of losing?  How can we shift the paradigm to playing to win rather than trying not to lose?

To Be Rather Than To Seem

On Thursday Morning, I was chatting with C, my assistant principal.  She mentioned that she had to go do some walkthrough observations.  I nodded knowingly.  "Don't worry," she said. "I won't bother you.  Your students are always on task, even when they aren't."

I found that statement interesting.  "How so?"  I asked.  C didn't hesitate.  "They are always having discussions related to what they are doing, and they are always listening to each other and learning from each other.  They help each other, they talk each other through issues, and they make sure that their groups understand.  In another class, that might be shut down as 'needless chatter' but, as I said in your evaluation, you encourage related conversations."

This, to me, was interesting, but not surprising. Too many of my students come to me from classes where they are chastised for asking a question, for helping a friend, for turning a lecture into a discussion.  Let's be fair here, even I would put an end to my students chatting, say, about their weekend plans, and sometimes they do need that direction.  But that is why listening to the conversations happening in your classroom is so important--so that you know when to let the conversations continue and when to end them.

But so many teachers have not learned to listen.  Their job is to dispense knowledge and the students' job is to passively absorb their words of wisdom.  The students can "look" On Task, with their noses stuck in packets and reading textbooks, but are they really?  What are they actually learning--not memorizing so that they can regurgitate it on a test--but learning so that they can use it in the real world?

The great Roman statesman Cicero famously wrote about Cato the Younger the words "esse quam videri," commenting that Cato preferred "to be, rather than to seem."  How can we make sure that On Task means that the students are actually working with the material?  What can we do to facilitate that transition from looking On Task to being On Task?

One Mistake is OK

Before one of my classes yesterday, I was sitting in on the Mandarin class at my school.  "Ms. Y," one of the students asked, "Can I pleeeeease retake the test now?"

Ms. Y looked confused.  "K," she replied, "You only made one mistake on the test.  You don't need to retake it!  One mistake is OK!"

"No it's not," M protested.  "I can't believe I messed that up!"  He continued to beat himself up for the one tiny mistake he made, resulting in him getting a 98 rather than a 100.  Ms. Y refused to argue with him.  One mistake was OK, and she was sticking to that.  She told me later that she has been working with this student all year on being able to make mistakes.

And this brought me back to Perfection.  I have spent a great deal of the year teaching my students that I am not looking for *perfection.*  Instead, I am looking for proficiency, and a willingness to learn from their mistakes.  I am not looking for the student who can memorize everything and spit it back at me, but the student who knows what questions to ask.  That's what I care about.

I want to see their BEST work.  Their best work is not Perfect work.  Your best can always be better--otherwise 'improvement' would not exist as a word.  If you don't get a perfect score, read the comments, ask me the right questions, and learn why.  Maybe you'll do better next time.  Don't ask me the "Why didn't you give me a 100?" question.  Ask me "Why is this incorrect?  Did I need to use the subjunctive here?"  I'll happily walk you through it!

The advice I gave to my Seniors as they prepared to head to college, was the following:  "Take risks.  Don't be afraid to make mistakes. When you do make mistakes, learn from them.  I know everyone tells you this, but I think, and I hope you do too, that we lived it in this class, and I hope you all can apply it to the college world."  My students agreed.

How do we learn that mistakes are OK?  What can we do to encourage risk-taking and learning from our mistakes?

Giving a Damn

Yesterday, I had my "End of year performance evaluation" with my assistant principal.  As part of my evaluation, she had read the student evaluations I had had my students complete, both about my class and also about themselves and their participation in my class.  She got first crack at them--I hadn't seen them yet.    These were evaluations that I had written for them--there are not school wide evaluations.

Anyway, she looked at me with a smile and said, "I am SO glad to know that you give a fuck about your students."  Surprised, as anyone would, I think, be at that statement, I simply blinked at her.  With a laugh, she produced an evaluation from the top of the pile.  Written in the space under the question 'What could Ms. L do to help you out more?' was the following answer:  "Nothing.  Ms. L is an incredible teacher.  She is strict, but she is strict because she gives a fuck about us.  Like, she actually cares--none of this "yeah I really care about you all" crap."

In case you are curious, the evaluation was great!  I was pretty excited about that.

But that's not the point of this post.  I couldn't get the words written by my student out of my head.  My assistant principal and I talked a lot about forming bonds with students.  But I guess what really got me on this is that this was not the only student who realized that my strict boundaries and rules applied to ALL of us in the class, me included, and it was me showing that I cared about them and wanted them to take safe risks and make good choices.  Not only that, but it was not lost on the students how much some other teachers' lying words of caring were untrue.  NEVER would I say that I am the only teacher who cares for her students at this school.  NEVER.  Don't read it that way.

What I am saying is that the way to show students we "give a fuck" about them is to set rules and boundaries and to make sure that they apply to YOU as well as to them.  Don't set up the oft-seen "us vs. them" mentality.  If you listen to the students, they are more likely to listen to you in return.

How do you show students you care?  Did you have a teacher who was really good at showing they cared? How did they show it?