Whatever it was, you had to keep yourself together and give the appearance of being OK when, inside you are so...well...not.
Like everything else you might learn, this is a skill, for better or worse. Sometimes, it's a coping mechanism for children with rough home lives, and sometimes it's just something that some people are better at than others. Especially these days, when people have so much going on, Keeping It Together is a necessary skill.
There are many pieces that play into it. One is LEARNING strategies to cope. We spend so much time "covering material" in class that we spend no time at all teaching students how to manage their time and their lives. In all honesty and seriousness, we often believe they will get that at home. But most often, they aren't. Quite often, their parents don't even know how to manage their own lives, let alone how to help their children.
The other piece that I, at least, see so little of is PROCESSING with students, and even with other adults. I hear a lot of, "Well, you must make this class a priority." And then another teacher says "NO! MY class is the priority!" Conflicting messages, right?
But no one, not even parents, sadly, discuss the too much work and crazy life stuff that happens in high school, middle school, whenever, with their children. At school, this is actively discouraged, or is stigmatized as "going to the school counselor."
I once had a conversation with a parent, and I mentioned that it would be helpful if she processed some of her son's poor grades with him. I worked to help the student process the grades, but some help from the parents would be appreciated. "Oh," she said, "but we just have so much going on. I just forget to talk with him."
As sad as it sounds, I see and hear this a lot. Parents model the "too self-absorbed and busy to help" attitude all the time. And here we are wondering why Kids These Days are SO self-absorbed and busy!
This is a Cultural Thing. It goes far beyond schools. But what can we do to help students and ourselves learn how to Keep It Together?
Like everything else you might learn, this is a skill, for better or worse. Sometimes, it's a coping mechanism for children with rough home lives, and sometimes it's just something that some people are better at than others. Especially these days, when people have so much going on, Keeping It Together is a necessary skill.
There are many pieces that play into it. One is LEARNING strategies to cope. We spend so much time "covering material" in class that we spend no time at all teaching students how to manage their time and their lives. In all honesty and seriousness, we often believe they will get that at home. But most often, they aren't. Quite often, their parents don't even know how to manage their own lives, let alone how to help their children.
The other piece that I, at least, see so little of is PROCESSING with students, and even with other adults. I hear a lot of, "Well, you must make this class a priority." And then another teacher says "NO! MY class is the priority!" Conflicting messages, right?
But no one, not even parents, sadly, discuss the too much work and crazy life stuff that happens in high school, middle school, whenever, with their children. At school, this is actively discouraged, or is stigmatized as "going to the school counselor."
I once had a conversation with a parent, and I mentioned that it would be helpful if she processed some of her son's poor grades with him. I worked to help the student process the grades, but some help from the parents would be appreciated. "Oh," she said, "but we just have so much going on. I just forget to talk with him."
As sad as it sounds, I see and hear this a lot. Parents model the "too self-absorbed and busy to help" attitude all the time. And here we are wondering why Kids These Days are SO self-absorbed and busy!
This is a Cultural Thing. It goes far beyond schools. But what can we do to help students and ourselves learn how to Keep It Together?
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