Padawan

My first year teaching, I was working at a private school in a 1 year sabbatical replacement position.  All of the teachers were assigned advisories, a group of 14 students for whom you were the primary contact point, and in-school-parent, for lack of a better term.

One of my advisory students was G, a 7th grade boy.  G was in an unfortunate position: he had an exceptional older brother, but was not "living up to" what his brother could do.  Testing revealed he had a few learning issues, that could be eased with the help of a laptop and provision to type notes, tests, quizzes, and exams.  The school, however, was hesitant.  He "was only in 7th grade," "could try harder," and "would get distracted by the laptop."  His parents recognized that G was different than his brother, and fought hard for him as an individual.  I did as well.  But all the school could think about, it seemed, was his brother, and how G was "a slacker" compared to him.

On one occasion, I had met with the Dean to discuss G's situation.  At the conclusion of our meeting, she said something to the effect of: "I have to tell you, Emily, if you don't stop caring and keep fighting for your students like this, you are going to get yourself in serious trouble."

I was so taken aback, I didn't know what to say.  I simply left her office, hurried back to my classroom, shut the door, and sobbed.

What the hell could that possibly have meant?  I realized then and there that nobody speaks for the students. Nobody speaks for the teachers either.  Even worse, nobody lets the students or the teachers speak for themselves.  If you CARE, you are a PROBLEM.  Why the hell is caring an issue?

Because you are making it hard for Them.  You're being a fire-starter.  God forbid we actually get to know our students, like they tell us to do.  At the time the Dean told me what she told me, I believed I had simply been doing my job--being the advocate for my student that they had told me was my job at the beginning of the year.  I had even made "a personal connection" with my student, via the shared interest of music, as They had told me at the beginning of the year to do.   So why do they tell us this if they don't want us to do it?

(And yet, so often from other teachers, I hear that the students "don't care..."  Think about the conflicting messages here....)

What kind of Padawans are They training us to be?  What do They THINK They are training us to be?  We are told so many conflicting things--sent so many conflicting messages...and we pass them on to our own Padawans.

So how do we end that cycle?  We have to be the change.  And yet, it is so hard when the administrators and even some other teachers still seem to think that caring is a problem.  So how do we learn to break the cycle?